Baron Davis: I Was Abducted by Aliens
July 13th, 2013| by Lost Lettermen
If anyone happens to find Baron Davis’ mind, please report the authorities – as the former UCLA and NBA star appeared to lose it somewhere between Las Vegas and Los Angeles last week.
That’s because Davis is claiming he was recently abducted. Reports the New York Post:
“I was actually abducted by aliens like two weeks ago,” the two-time NBA All-Star announced on the podcast “The Champs” this week.
“Is that right?” hosts Neal Brennan and Moshe Kasher ask him in the Los Angeles-based comedy broadcast. “Tell us about that.”
Davis then launches into a several-minute-long description of driving from Vegas to LA and suddenly finding himself getting poked in the eyes by “f—k–ing ugly motherf—kers” in a steel spaceship.
“I’m a little tired and s—t,” he begins. “And I see this light and I think it’s a big-ass truck, you know.”
“And I was driving, driving, then next thing you know, dude, like, I was in this f—king like steel thing and these f—king crazy looking people, like half-human, half, like, f—king ugly motherf—kers,” he tells the podcast hosts.
Brennan, a co-writer of “Chappelle’s Show,” and Kasher, a noted standup comic, seem taken aback, and repeatedly ask the NBA star if he is serious or not.
Davis insists, “Hell yeah, dude.”
Davis promises he has a book coming out about his alien experiences. He also tells the hosts, without elaborating, that he has licensed the rights to “Black Santa.”
Oh — and perhaps more illuminatingly — that he has been taking percocet to off-set his post-surgery pain from surgery to repair the patellar tendon in his right knee, the injury that sidelined him in May, 2012.
“Now I’m sharper and sh—,” he says of the abduction’s aftermath. “I am retaining information.”
We hope this is an elaborate joke. Otherwise, Baron: Have you been smoking peyote for six straight days and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your mind?
[Warning: Graphic language below]