Great Gotham! CFB Figures as Batman Characters
July 26th, 2012| by Lost Lettermen
Batman is… Mike Leach
By Managing Editor Chris Mahr (@CMahrtian)
That’s right, folks. College football’s Batman is the same man who has a well-professed love of pirates and has no difficulties comparing his players to Civil War generals.
Just as Batman uses a series of cool gadgets and vehicles to help the people of Gotham who can’t defend themselves, Leach uses a unique Air Raid offense to lead college football underdogs against the big boys. And like Batman taking the fall for Harvey Dent’s death, many people feel Leach was wrongly exiled following the Adam James controversy in Lubbock.
Although I’m still waiting for Leach to do something as cool as what Batman did with the Bat Pod in The Dark Knight. I used this column as an excuse to re-watch that scene at least 10 times.
Photo Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea/US Presswire
Alfred is… Bill Snyder
Alfred (Michael Caine) is the older, calming influence in Bruce Wayne’s double life, imparting words of wisdom and caution on his ingénue. Bill Snyder is a calming influence in the tumultuous world of college football, having had not one but two tenures at Kansas State.
And don’t sleep on their abilities to save the day based on their ages.
Caine overcome a Ra’s al Ghul henchman with a well-placed 7-iron to rescue Bruce from a burning Wayne manor in Batman Begins. Snyder turned once-laughable Kansas State into a national power in the late-1990s and guided them to a surprise 10–2 regular season last year after coming back to save the Little Apple from the Ron Prince era.
Photo Credit: Michael Johnson/US Presswire
Catwoman is… Jessica Dorrell
Anne Hathaway made men’s jaws drop with her sultry portrayal of Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. (I thank her from the bottom of my heart for erasing that Halle Berry movie from my memory.) And any woman who knows how to ride a motorcycle is alright in my book.
Dorrell is now famous/infamous for being a passenger in a motorcycle accident involving disgraced former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino.
Both Catwoman and Dorrell also share a penchant for tight, form-fitting clothing. Hathaway has the all-leather get-up, while Dorrell was a Razorbacks volleyball player before her brief tenure working for the football team.
Bane is… Will Muschamp
It remains to be seen if Muschamp will ever be the “SEC’s reckoning” after a disappointing 7–6 campaign in 2011. But at least he has the crazy maniac thing down already.
Muschamp, nicknamed, “Coach Blood,” turns 41 on Aug. 3 and has let himself go a little (like all former players-turned-coaches tend to do). But there’s no doubt that his younger self was probably just as buff and intimidating looking as Bane (Tom Hardy).
The one difference between these two: A football lifer like Muschamp would be horrified (as the rest of us would) if the Heinz Field turf suddenly collapsed on itself.
Photo Credit: Kim Klement/US Presswire
Miranda Tate is… Phil Knight
Big-money benefactors in Gotham City and college football, respectively. And they both come equipped with unique sex appeal.
In The Dark Knight Rises, Tate is a new face on the Wayne Enterprises board of directors who catches the eye of Bruce Wayne with her mysterious beauty. Phil Knight has caught the eye of the college football world over and over with the money he’s poured into Oregon’s football program and the crazy uniforms that have resulted.
But there’s something off about each of them. Does Knight think he can buy his way into anything in the Oregon athletic program beyond listening to the Ducks’ in-game play calls? And (SPOILER ALERT!!!) why doesn’t Batman realize that Tate is collaborating in secret with supervillain Bane?
Photo Credit: Kirby Lee/US Presswire
Lucius Fox is… Chris Petersen
As an employee in Wayne Enterprises’ Applied Sciences division, Lucius has a seemingly fruitless job: overseeing the supplies of the company’s aborted research projects and prototypes. As the head coach of non-BCS Boise State (for now), Petersen is similarly undervalued.
Yet both Lucius and Petersen are two of the smartest guys you’ll meet.
If it wasn’t for Lucius, Bruce Wayne wouldn’t have the kick-ass suit or the awesome means of transport (car, motorcycle and flying car) in each movie. Petersen, meanwhile has taken parts/players disregarded by bigger schools and turned them into one of college football’s winningest programs.
Plus, if Fox ever tried his hand at coaching, he’d have the necessary ingenuity to call a play like “Circus.”
Photo Credit: Mark J. Rebilas/US Presswire
The Joker is… Les Miles
Hey SEC and LSU fans! Why so serious!?
Even if it’s too the psychological detriment of everyone they effect, both the Joker and “The Hat” are going to do things their way, seemingly thriving on the madness of it all.
Among the Joker’s more harrowing tics: Perpetually smacking his lips and a cackling laugh that will have your hair standing on edge. (Plus, you know, bringing death to a lot of people.) Miles causes his suffering through clock mismanagement and in-game meals consisting of Tiger Stadium turf.
And if the Joker ever had a daughter (God forbid) and had to teach her how to drive, he’d definitely be the type to pull something like this.
Photo Credit: Derick Hingle/US Presswire
Harvey Dent is… Jim Tressel
Harvey Dent started out as a Gotham’s white knight of a District Attorney, intent on taking down the mafia. Jim Tressel began his tenure at Ohio State as an old-fashioned, sweater vest-clad coach bent on winning and doing it with class.
Things changed quickly for both of them.
After a psychological breakdown resulting from his (literally) scarring accident and the death of fiancée Rachel Dawes, Dent starts hunting down the people responsible for her death one by one — including good guy Jim Gordon. With Tressel, it was revealed that he had a record of covering up player misdeeds at Ohio State and even going back to his tenure at Youngstown State.
NOTE: I know that the easy move would be to go with Joe Paterno here. But after the week Penn State endured — and in light of JoePa’s passing in January — that would be kicking a horse while its down.
Photo Credit: Andrew Weber/US Presswire
The Scarecrow is… John L. Smith
Lots of people around the college football world must ask that whenever John L. Smith is up to his old tricks. Like making an unconventional saying such as “Get your piss hot” Arkansas’ team motto. Or slapping himself at a press conference while still at Michigan State (one of the more underrated sports GIFs floating around the Internet today).
We suppose that being in charge of a roster of 80-plus large, aggressive, college-age kids is just as hard as running an insane asylum. And we wouldn’t put it above John L. to use a Scarecrow mask to scare his kids straight.
Photo Credit: Marvin Gentry/US Presswire
William Earle is… Nick Saban
If there’s any coach in the land who epitomizes smug CEO who has it all, it’s Alabama’s Nick Saban. The perma-tan; the rich, perfectly coiffed brown hair that hasn’t thinned or gone gray; the smug attitude that he can (and should) get away with anything; and of course, the success in his profession.
Like Saban, Wayne Enterprises CEO William Earle (Rutger Hauer) is a handsome older gentlemen with a good business acumen (the company’s stock price was soaring after it went public). And it’s easy to imagine Saban using “Didn’t you get the memo?” as an insult toward a rival coach he beat out for a high-profile recruit.
Photo Credit: Marvin Gentry/US Presswire