Ranking Alabama’s Craziest Football Fans
August 28th, 2013| by Lost Lettermen
5. Lee Allen
Alabama boasts some of the most passionate (if not the most passionate) football fans in the country. Yet there are times when that passion becomes craziness — and not necessarily the good kind. With that in mind, we rank Alabama’s Craziest Football Fans.
We have no doubts about Allen’s love for Alabama and Nick Saban. After all, the Decatur, AL, native has collected more than 100 autographs from the Crimson Tide head coach. Allen just needs to find a different way to express his adulation.
In an interview with AL.com while attending 2013 SEC Media Days, Allen compared Saban to Hitler. And meant it as a compliment.“He’s a winner, he just does what he wants to do, Allen said. “He’s kind of like Hitler. He’s a dictator. He brought us back to the top and I figure we’re going to be here for a while. Money well spent.”
That groaning you here is every resident of the Yellowhammer State responding to Allen setting the state back 50 years.
4. Zack Smartt
There are plenty of crazy Alabama football tattoos out there but this might take the cake: A $1,700 giant elephant and Crimson Tide inking that took 10.5 hours to complete and takes up Smartt’s entire back.
While the work by Mike McMahon of All or Nothing Tattoo in Atlanta should be commended for its precision, you’d have to be crazy to endure all that pain and pay nearly two grand for something so ridiculous. Smartt’s reasoning, as explained to Busted Coverage? ““Roll Tide isn’t a slogan, motto, or war cry… it’s a way of life! ROLL TIDE FOR LIFE!!”
Ah, now it all makes sense.
3. Nathan Davis
Long the holder of the title “The Alabama Super Fan,” Davis is the one person on this list who’s not crazy in a bad way. Just watch this CSTV segment from 2007; apart from having his entire body festooned with Crimson Tide-related tattoos, he comes across as quite normal.
But let’s get back to those tattoos — the pride and joy of which for Davis is one of Bear Bryant leaning against a goal post that occupies the entirety of his back. As if that isn’t over-the-top enough, Davis attends every Alabama home game bearing a giant state flag with his face covered in war paint and wearing a kilt with high white socks (to honor his Irish/Scottish heritage) and a houndstooth hat.
The whole get-up looks like the concept for a failed WWE wrestler, not a college football fan.
2. Brian Downing
If you’re a college football fan, the name “Brian Downing” probably doesn’t ring a bell. He’s better known by something else: The Alabama Teabagger.
Following the Crimson Tide’s 21–0 victory over LSU in the 2012 BCS National Championship Game in New Orleans, Downing pressed his genitals to the neck of an unconscious Bayou Bengals fan in the Krystal Burger on Bourbon Street. Video footage of the incident went viral soon thereafter.
Downing wishes none of this would have come to pass. Last November, he was sentenced to two years in jail after pleading guilty to two counts of obscenity. Do they have ESPN and CBS in HD in the slammer?
1. Harvey Updyke
It’s easy for many a college football fan to recite the story of this zealot of an Alabama fan by this point.
Calling into Paul Finebaum’s radio show as “Al from Dadeville” in January 2011, he admitted to poisoning Auburn’s Toomer’s Oaks with an herbicide, Spike 80-DF, following the Tigers’ Iron Bowl victory the previous November. Police traced the call to Updyke and arrested him; he eventually received a three-year split sentence, but the beloved oak trees eventually died and had to be torn down.
All college sports fans, including Crimson Tide ones, are probably overjoyed that Updyke — a pretty universal choice for “Craziest Alabama Football Fan” — is prohibited from attending any collegiate sports event during his five-year probation. If it was up to us, it would be for forever.